You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
