I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
