guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
