Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
