JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
