well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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