ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
