This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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