I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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