Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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