why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
