your room smells of hookers.
And success
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
