i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
