Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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