She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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