if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
