planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
