I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
