Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
