i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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