if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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