You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
