I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
