So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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