Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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