One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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