kristin has been a bad kristin
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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