worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
