Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Mom said you looked used
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
