I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
