Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
