I skipped work to stalk him.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
