you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just want to make out with him forever
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
