Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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