I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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