God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
