why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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