I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
