man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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