So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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