Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
