8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
