you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
