ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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