Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
