Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
