Porn is love you can see.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
