White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
