I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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