I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
