he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
