I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
